margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
