I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
