Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
