now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
