I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
