I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
