I have demons in me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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