hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
