i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
