I accidentally had phone sex last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
