yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
