I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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