I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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