Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
