they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
NoShamevember. You game?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
