I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
