just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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