I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my liver is dry heaving
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
