its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
