So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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