New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
