this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
