New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
