I'm lost and stupid without you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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