i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
