I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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