So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
