I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
