I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
