Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
