evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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