so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
