the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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