apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
