Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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