the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
