just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
