Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
