Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
