Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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