I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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