oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
