The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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