Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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