i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
