i barfeds in our rink
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
