Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
