You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
