I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
