That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
