Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
