i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
